Can't Stop....Won't Stop!

I wish I woke up every morning with an unbridled sense of motivation and boundless energy. But, I don't. I have to drag my arse outta bed wake up a little bit and have my Shakeology before I'm ready to do anything. Shakeology then conquering. That being said, I've NEVER been into fitness until recently. I literally dressed down for gym in school, went to roll call then pieced out of there! I hated comparing myself to others..trying to run the track and being in last, huffing and puffing while it seemed effortless for others. UGH. Being a Mom completely changed me. It wasn't an option to be lazy anymore and the only person I had to "compete" with was my budding little babe, who was all too fast out maneuvering me! Not to mention that I did NOT want to be the fattest Mom at the park. I know I know, I shouldn't compare myself to others...but, don't act like you've never done it! So, I am on Mission HOT MOM! hahaha. Even for me sometimes it's really hard to find the motivation to workout. Some days I just feel plain blah and try to tell myself all the excuses of why it's okay to skip the workout. Yesterday was one of those days. I put it off all day. I was exhausted, had a headache, and a sore throat...I told myself I would just make it up on Saturday. Then it was like the classic angel and devil on my shoulders! The part of me that's SICK of being Fat said, "Hey lazy ass! Where has your lazy assedness ever gotten you??? Huh?? What does it accomplish? Don't you have goals to reach??? ARE YOU THERE?? Oh, no?? Are you gonna get there doing NOTHING??? The workout is only 25 mins girl...it will be over as soon as it starts just get it done already! NO EXCUSES!" The lazy fattie in me really had no rebuttal. "...." So, I threw on my workout clothes. Popped in my T25 Cardio DVD and pushed play before I changed my mind. But, I didn't just do it to do it..following the motions yadda ya. I freakin NAILED IT! I pushed myself so hard and even when my legs were on FIRE and I thought I was going to throw up I.PUSHED.EVEN.HARDER! It felt amazing! I was in BEAST MODE baby. Sweat was flying off me and I was watching my form and bouncing boobies in my window and I was WONDER WOMAN! I might have even cried a little...

My point here is this: It's freaking hard. It sucks sometimes. I see this saying going around;

It's spot on. Some days you just don't want to. So, you have to talk yourself into it. Because tracking your calories, making healthy choices, and working out is HARD I'm not gonna lie. But, feeling guilty cause you gorged on pizza, having to wear your baggy pants cause you're feeling huge, and feeling like your body doesn't fit your personality is HARD too! Choose your hard.

Calling all K-9's come over for a DogVacay!

I'm really enjoying doing this in-home pet boarding! It's like getting to have a temporary pet without the full-time responsibility! My 3 year old son Logan is such a super helper too! He know to not open the door unless the doggie has a leash on and he helps with potty breaks, walks, and throwing a ball around the yard! Just another thing I am doing as a stay-at-home/work-at-home Mom to supplement our household income.

You never have to go to a kennel again! Check out my home dog boarding profile on DogVacay.com and use my coupon code FRIENDSFUREVER to get $10 off your first booking.
http://dogvacay.com/pro/FriendsFurEver

Before And After....and then kinda sorta back to before.

This is about accomplishments...and failures. Achievements and setbacks. It's about lesson's learned...regrets...and moving forward...chuggin along, even if your choo choo get's derailed.
I'm real. I like that about myself. I like that characteristic in other people as well..which means even if I am ashamed about some things, I can face that and share with you.
Last June (2012) I had been working hard to lose weight for 4 months. I went from 203 to 168. It was a really exciting time for me. My before and after picture was being shared all around facebook. I felt really good about myself and I was finally getting into shape!





Well, as my confidence was growing, my fiance's was depleting. He wasn't working full time, we were struggling financially and he didn't feel like he was full-filling his responsibility of man of the house. He felt like a failure, and the more successful I became the more it dampened his spirit. Even though he was excited for me, and very supportive of my weight loss, it just ultimately led to us needing a break. He moved out at the end of August. A girlfriend of mine with a young daughter moved in.
And then things proceeded to come crashing down. I wasn't good to myself. I had been with Jeremy for 4 years and the break-up just tore me apart. I thought I was doing the right thing...but, at the same time I felt so wrong. I was drinking too much, not working out, not taking care of myself. Eating whatever was around (which usually wasn't healthy)...my roommate literally ate Sour Punch Straws as meals.
So out went my support system...in came a horrible influence..and nothing in my life was better at all.
I started rapidly gaining weight back..and the more I gained, the more depressed I got, the less I took care of myself. It was just an awful viscous cycle and completly opposite of the routine I had gotten myself into before.
  I knew something had to change again. I didn't really want it to be over with my ex.. I just wanted to scare him into getting his ish together... Probably better ways of going about it. But, between the time apart, and living with a volatile negative person.. I learned a lot.
   A lot of decisions I made when he was gone..and she was here were very uncharacteristic of me...and I thought it would be "Fun" but... every single day I felt like a shitty awful human.
  Jeremy and I stayed in touch cause we have a son of course. Come January..with the new year we couldn't stand to be apart anymore.
 We had learned a lot of lessons. We had been through A LOT of bullshit. Nothing was better for either of us apart...and we KNEW we had to make our family work.
    We'd sit and talk, and comprise, work on our communication...and started rebuilding.




4 months to lose the weight...4 months to gain almost all of it back from 168 to 196..NOT the kind of before and after you want to have... and another 4 months of getting life figured out and my Choo Choo back on it's tracks. I stopped trying and stopped coaching because I was so ashamed that I had gained and that I no longer looked like the after picture that was being shared of me...

I can now honestly say... even though I am not where I want to be financially or physically I'm getting there. I'm working hard at it. I'm devoted and committed to my dreams and to my family. A lot of people don't agree with my decision. But, it's MY life. I'm living it. I know us, him..better than anyone else. Every relationship has it's issues....it's figuring out who's worth fighting through those issues with.

I'm back to a routine of working out and eating healthy. I'm coaching others and helping them achieve results. Jeremy is working full time and we completely support each other. We're happy.
We're really really happy. Lesson learned Past shit forgotten and forgiven. Time to keep moving forward! Time to let go of the guilt I have over the past year and weight gained and total set back I've found myself in. You don't hear about set-backs a lot. I mean...we all know how Oprah yo-yo'd like CRAY. But, I'm here to say...even if it's embarrassing I'm a little grateful for my setback because it taught me what is really truly important.
Health
Happiness
Family
Love